I pray your Christmas was wonderful.
>I'll get to December's festivities, Christmas photos
and the overall feel for this year's Holy day, soon.<

Today's post, of at least a few;
has been on hold for a good while.
Since the year is about to end,
I thought this as good a time as any.

It's sort of an intro for what's coming in the near future.
It's not a redo or as light-hearted as my typical posts 
 but necessary for me to put out there
and possibly something, someone needs to hear/read.

FYI, this is a long read.
marriage, life, faith, lessons

 I've been having this continual feeling,
one that won't go away;
that I'm suppose to speak about marriage.

Real thoughts here:
"Really Lord?"

SO I gotta Lord?

It's a topic I have sort of tip-toed around,
spoken lightly and on occasion here,
encouraged others in person over,
prayed with and for,
all the while feeling so unqualified to.
After 2+ years of tucking it away,
feel the necessity to do it now more than ever.

It was pretty clear during one of our services,
that people needed to be obedient to the specific things the Lord had asked of them.
That changes and answers to prayers would only come through obedience.

I mean, how much clearer can that get?
I for sure don't want another reminder reprimand,
or to hold up what we've been praying for.
This was enough of a warning to produce initiate necessary action
and a heads up to build anticipation.

I have avoided the more in depth stuff here and in person,
questioning my own knowledge of what marriage was
and what I could possibly contribute, in the midst of my own failures,
or upbringing.

I've rationalized that my marriage has to be better understood
before I could really talk about it, before I could help others, 
IF I could help others.

it isn't even my marriage but the Lord's;
He can do what he needs with it.
I hid behind the fact that most people in our circles
already assume we have it together because we aren't falling apart.
Why let them down, right?

I think we're like many who have typical  marital/family issues
but reduce them to minor status because they aren't calamities.
Instead of truly dealing with our issues, growing/changing
and adapting, we succumb to subtleties and complacency.
 Basically calm waters with swirling undertows.  

I justified not sharing with these thoughts:
We won't be taken serious-"What problems could they have?"
We'll be discredited -"They aren't who we thought they were."
And plain old fear.

As I wrestled with this obedience thing,
 the Lord laid it heavier on my heart 
AND after what seemed to be mine and hubby's biggest disagreement.
Truthfully, the original tug to speak on marriage came
soon after a disagreement years ago.
Can you imagine my confusion?! lol
I finally told hubby,
(after sorting through everything)
he was hesitant for personal reasons
but supported me and obliged to chime in when needed.

Obviously I'm not taking this lightly,
and feel the immense burden of doing this, whatever it is, right.
So, I sucked it up and shared with my leader.
I was so nervous when I went to speak with him,
(jittery nervous, eek)
I guess because it made it all the more real.
He encouraged my obedience and gave me the go ahead.
------------------ Then....
I did nothing lol

I put it out there,
like I'm doing now and stalled.

Until now.

The totally funny thing is, someone who knows nothing of my predicament
 text me this:
"If you had one sentence to encourage someone who is afraid,
what would you say?"
My answer:
Trust in the Lord wholeheartedly,
Fear paralyzes-Faith mobilizes.
Fear paralyzes,
Faith mobilizes
Ouch Lord, you used me
to school me.

So guess what friends?
I'm taking my own advice,
trusting the Lord and moving forward,
fear and all.

I'll be back soon with the next segment of,
 "I don't know what I'm doing here, but I'm doing it anyway."
Thanks for tuning in

p2 p3 p4 p5 p6 p7


  1. Marriage is tough work, as is truly Biblical marriage. It's tough to live in a world saturated by pop culture and romance about "one true love" and "soul mates" when the Bible teaches us that marriage is much deeper and fulfilling than that. As Christians, we need to be 110% real with our marital issues, not only with ourselves as couples but with others as well. It is in being honest and real about our struggles that we are able to help others and help ourselves. I highly recommend Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage". It is one of my all-time favorite Christian marriage books! Praying for you to stay confident in Christ and keep on trusting Him in all areas of your life. What a way to start 2015! :)

  2. Thank you Lindsey! Marriage is the most amazing blessing aside from having children, when done right. Even then human nature can get in the way + a little enemy meddling and it creates breeding ground for misunderstandings. It's what you do with those "hiccups" that strengthens or weakens the relationship with each other and with the Lord. After 16+ years of marriage we are still learning and allowing the Lord to teach us. We have started off the last few years in prayer and fasting for His will in our lives: marriage, family, finances, etc. We're excited about the changes we've already seen and what 2015 holds. Thanks again for the encouragement, wishing you the best this year as well.


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