THE GREATEST OF THESE IS 《6》+ Marriage Matters


Friends, friends,
we're coming to the end of these posts!
Who knew I had more than 3 in me?!
I'm pretty sure my next post will be the last.

Today is a little different,
it's broken down into 2 parts within the post.

Just stick with me a tad more,
I promise we're almost done.


To work on my marriage, I had to go back before it.
I HAD to address the past,
bringing up old memories and feelings.

I had to specifically & intentionally seek the Lord over my emotional state
and be proactive, investing much on personal healing and spiritual growth.

 My marital issues weren't just about an absentee father,
but about my unaddressed anger/hurt over the past and the present.
It caused bitterness, affecting the most important parts of my life.
I had to dig that ugly root out and forgive;
forgive the past and the present.
And I've had to forgive multiple times 
because at times I feel that hurt again.
I keep forgiving because there IS a better way
 and I have a heavenly father who continues to show me.

This song ministered to me so much

"Dear younger me,
it's not your fault,
you were never meant to carry this beyond the cross"
Mercy Me

My marriage DID have issues not attributed to my background/hurts,
 so I'm not discrediting that fact or taking full responsibility.
How I handled it, could have been different,
the outcome would have been different,
and our friendship and respect in tact longer.

Hubby and I have worked on past offenses
and are conscious to not to create new ones.
We've chosen to forgive & seek forgiveness much sooner
and allow each other the opportunity to make it right, not reject it.

 Many times we hold people responsible longer than warranted
and "make them pay" with our unforgiveness.
In reality we're the ones who pay,
we become slaves to the hurt and anger.

This very morning the Lord reminded me that these offenses rise up beyond marriages;
 in families, circle of friends, neighbors, work place, and ministries.

We let hurt, anger or frustration overpower us, 
taking the best out us and causing us to be sidetracked with the situation.
 Any notion of ever having forgiveness or grace for the person/situation disappears 
because our reasoning says, "They should know better", "How dare they"
or "What if I behaved that way?"
We prefer an immediate response, correction, validation, retaliation, 

_________fill in the blank.

I love how God uses mental visuals with me because I get things that way.
I saw 2 examples 1st: A cake and its frosting.
Have you seen a cake that just made your mouth water
or one that was so appetizing you couldn't wait to have some?

Rarely are we eyeing a bowl or container of frosting 
or an unfrosted cake with the same desire.

But in this case, the cake representing the Lord, WOULD BE more than enough. 
The frosting is everything else added to us:
our spouses, families, jobs, hobbies, talents, etc.

8 And God is able to make all grace [every favor and earthly blessing] come in abundance to you, so that you may always [under all circumstances, regardless of the need] have complete sufficiency in everything [being completely self-sufficient in Him], and have an abundance for every good work and act of charity.
2 Corinthians 9:8 Amplified Bible (AMP)

We are not to chase the "frosting" but to live for, desire and dwell in the "cake".
We replace/neglect our relationship with the Lord because we're chasing 
after people, emotions, status, redemption, revenge...
And guess what, we feel less than satisfied.
We try to have the best marriage, children, careers, etc 
in our own strength and by our own means.
THAT is exhausting. 
I know it too well. (here)

2nd: A movie and its characters.
A movie is advertised through different means,
regardless of the way, the main characters are highlighted.
Although supporting characters play a big part,
they rarely get the same exposure or accolades.

We've somehow reversed the intended order
 and have made everyone, everything and even ourselves the main characters in our lives.
That was never the Lord's plan.
Instead God desires for you to partner with him,
that you know him intimately and trust him.

He has an amazing plan for you, junk and all.

His plan relieves you of having to face life alone,
it allows freedom to abide in Him,
it lifts the heaviness you carry,
 provides the peace for each situation 
and leads the way to an amazing future!


At the VERY beginning... like a few years ago,
the Lord gave me the 3M's as a way for me to understand marriage.
I wasn't sure when or how I'd share it
but I'm thankful I finally get to.
I've added a few suggestions for reference as well.


verbbe of importance; have significance

It matters to us, our kids, friends, family and 
anyone striving to make the best of theirs.
It's important, ongoing and worth the investment.
~Spend time together and in prayer.
~Invest time, money, and effort into each other.
~Encourage each others gifts/talents and cultivate your own.
~Learn how to become better spouses/friends through available resources: 
bible, marriage/relationship books (a few I found super helpful), conferences, counseling, 
online tools and couples you can learn from.
~Allow yourselves the freedom to change and grow.
~A perfect marriage does not exist
but practicing excellence in yours makes a world of difference.
~ Find needs you can help your spouse with and fill them.
Above all, go to God FIRST and for everything because he IS perfect 
and will ALWAYS meet our needs.

noun- an affair or situation under consideration; a topic

The aspects of marriage: friendship, relationship, family, faith, 
ministry, servanthood/volunteerism, finances, household, etc; that make it up.
~Don't disregard the common things, they help build your relationship.
~Decide how each aspect will work for your specific relationship.
~Communicate! Mental/emotional expectations are not audible
 and they're not guaranteed. 
~Share what matters most and be flexible.
~You're a team not competitors,
 so share what's working and what isn't.

adjective- (of a color, paint, or surface) dull and flat, without a shine.
In reference to marriage- more than surface appearances but 
the deeper issues that change the course of the marriage.

Things that dim, dull, deluster or darken a marriage:
hang-ups, complacency, unforgiveness, sabotage,
selfishness, etc.
~Avoid these behaviors at all cost.
~If a spouse falls into the trap of hurtful behavior/responses,
PRAY for them, DO NOT mimic the action.
~Only you, the Lord and godly council can determine the steps to take 
if you find your relationship in this "matte" type of marriage.


11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
 plans to give you a hope and a future". 
Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

to be continued


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